The Naked Truth

I do not look at myself naked. I do not like for my husband to see me naked. I do not like to think about my body naked and I am fearful if I ever have a car accident, I will frighten the doctor who may have to see me naked. I do not like to feel my body jiggle when I walk (I have more jiggle than Bill Cosby in a room full of Jell-o)...so WHY should I look at myself naked?

I have spent a significant amount of time sitting in front of my closet crying about my weight and I have pitched fits and once actually ripped a shirt I was so upset about how I looked in it. Usually, I pull and shift my clothes because I WILL NOT wear something I feel might even remotely show a hint of fat or muffin top. This has cost me many a good moods; I think what is most difficult is realizing the mental state BEHIND the weight. I have really been searching into why I feel so obsessed by my weight- my mother never berated me, my friends never teased me, and I don't really remember being called fat (and I was a CHUNK!) The more I  think about it, the more I realize that it is an image issue and even Heidi Klum has issues with her body and she is THE body. I have come to the conclusion that I must take my journey one day at a time and that sometimes you have bad days.

I do have to say that one of the changes I have decided on is not to follow The Dukan Diet. I just don't think I can continue the diet forever so I do not want to start it, but the changes I am making now I feel like I can continue. I feel like I can commit to the gym 2-3 times per week, and maybe shrinking my portion sizes. I am really excited to say I have LOST 7 POUNDS and it feels great. I can tell a big difference in not only my clothing, but in my attitude. No to say that I do not have moments of weakness. I still have little individual chocolates at my desk and I usually eat one or two each day. I still have a little ranch dressing ON THE SIDE to dip my veggies in. But the difference is I am taking in probably half the calories I was a month ago.

Just one month has made such a difference- I actually made myself look at me naked....and it wasn't as bad as I thought! I still hated it, but it wasn't as bad as I thought. And maybe I will look again in another month.