Why Does Food Equal Guilt?

I feel incredibly guilty when I eat unhealthy food OR I eat a lot of food, whether that food is healthy or not. Let me clarify what I mean by guilt....I have spent the past three months exercising at least three times each week, eating only 1500 calories per day, little to no alcohol, no bread, no pasta, no refined carbs, no refined sugars....so when I drank a can of coke yesterday, I felt HORRIBLY guilty to the point that I was obsessively counting up my calories.Today I ate McDonald's for lunch and I found myself counting each fry I ate as 10 calories, 20, 30.  Beyond that, before my healthy lifestyle change, I would spend entire blocks of time sitting on my floor in front of my closet CRYING and worrying about my food intake and weight problems.

Now, it is NOT easy to write and admit that I am so concerned about my weight...even loud girls like me get shamed sometimes. But...I am trying to dig deeply into the psychology of weight loss so that I can hopefully keep off the weight I lose. Obviously I have some psycho issues when it comes to food, and if I do not address them, then it is foolish to expect better results if I don't fix the formula.

First of all: Guilt over what we eat is nothing new. Usually, we look at food in terms of "good" food and "bad" food; chomp on carrot sticks and you're a "saint," devour Death by Chocolate for dessert and you're a "sinner." Putting all this pressure on ourselves to eat perfectly starves the eating process of any pleasure. Gone is the ecstasy of relishing the tastes, the textures, the salty, the sweet. Whether it's a well-seasoned steak, a lobster dipped in butter, or a freshly cracked creme brulee, the appreciation of food is its own little heaven. The more judgmental we are about every bite, the less delicious it all tastes. And let's face it: Over thinking every single thing we put in our mouths can make us obsessive, leading to cravings and bingeing—the farthest thing from the "good" we set out for in the first place!

Many psychologists throw out reasons of guilt, low self-esteem, motivation, filling a void......gosh, I must be pretty messed up!! But I think the answer is a little more simple....we are conditioned to believe that food is more than fuel; it's a holiday, celebrate with food, it is a birthday, celebrate with food, special occasion- food....food has become part of the family, a best friend, something to lean on. Food never fails. And until I learn to put food back where it belongs, I will have many more episodes of crying in front of my closet.

So I am resolved to enjoy my food, but keep some guidelines. For starters, I am going to continue to avoid refined carbohydrates and refined sugars and get lots of veggies, fruits and water every day. Where I will keep things a little different this time around: I will stop beating myself up for eating "cheat" foods once in a while. And when Wal-mart starts selling a lipo suction machine for home, then I will start eating McDonald's every day....well...maybe not....

Signing off,
Miss Mad